How to Keep Your Identity After Having Kids

Disclosure: Some of the links are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a slight commission if you click through and make a purchase.

Before becoming a mom, I often heard stories about women who lose themselves when they have kids. I made a promise to myself that I would keep my identity after having kids. I won’t lie and say it’s easy. It’s hard, but it’s worth it. I know many moms out there who have their mom identity but have lost their true identity after having a baby. But, I know if you make a conscious effort to get it back it can make your life so much better. I’m going to talk today about how to keep your identity after having kids.

Shirt // Jeans // Purse // Sunglasses (similar) // Shoes

You are Worthy of Your Own Life

First and foremost, please know and remember that you are worthy of having your own life. Don’t feel guilty. Don’t feel like you’re neglecting your baby or your kids if you have a desire to have parts of your life all to yourself. I’ve heard a lot from other moms that they feel guilty about spending time on something that’s unrelated to the kids. Ladies, we need to fight that feeling. It’s healthy to have time for yourself, and I’d argue having that “me time” makes you an even better mom. In my personal experience, working on something for myself helps me feel more confident and happy. And a happy mom is a good mom. Kids can feel your energy, and if you’re down and miserable, they can sense it. Keeping your identity after having kids should be a priority as a mom.

Your “Mom Identity” is Not Your Only Identity

As moms, so much of our identity is inherently wrapped up in our kids. It’s easy to get caught up in your “mom identity” and forget about all your other identities that existed before you had babies. I get it. Kids take up so much of our time and energy that it’s hard to make time for anything else. Again, fight that feeling. You have to make the time for the things you love to do.

This concept can mean different things for different people. For me, I love writing and being creative and crafty. And that’s part of why I started Twin Mom Magic. I wanted something that was mine. I wanted something to devote energy to outside of my children that would make me feel fulfilled and happy. Maybe you love to do yoga. Or maybe you really enjoy photography or reading romance novels. Whatever activity makes you feel happy when you do it, make time for that activity. Make time to explore your identity that exists outside of you “mom identity.”

Focusing on Yourself Will Not Make You a Bad Mom

First of all, in general, unless it’s in reference to the movie “Bad Moms,” I don’t really care for the term “Bad Mom.” Side note: If you’ve never seen “Bad Moms,” go see it; it’s hilarious and so relatable for moms. If you’ve lost your identity after having a baby, you have to spend some time focusing on yourself. And in our society, we’ve been taught that moms don’t have time for themselves. We’ve been taught that moms focus solely on their kids. I think that’s a harmful mindset.

We all deserve to be our own people, to have our own lives outside of our children. And spending time to focus on you and what makes you happy will not make you a bad mom. As I said before, a happy mom is a good mom. A mom that has her own identity and interests can fully appreciate the time she has with her kids. And in addition, keeping your identity after having kids can help you stay in touch with yourself over the years. As your kids get older and move out, you won’t struggle with getting your life back because you never lost it!

How to Keep Your Identity After Having Kids

So now you know why keeping your identity after having kids is important, but how do you do it? These are my five tips for keeping your identity after becoming a mom.

1. Make time for yourself and the things you enjoy outside of your kids. Whether this means waking up an hour earlier to read your book or getting a babysitter for an hour to workout at your favorite gym, make the time. We all make time for the things we truly want to make time for. Make yourself a priority and find the time wherever you can.
2. Keep your focus on the kids when you’re with the kids. Make sure you’re 100% focused on spending time with your kids when they’re around. This will help you not feel guilty when you’re spending time on yourself away from the kids.
3. Ignore anyone that tries to make you feel guilty for having a life outside of your kids. Anyone who has this kind of attitude is just plain wrong and most likely ignorant of how important it is to keep your identity after becoming a mom.
4. Set achievable goals for keeping your identity after having kids. It’s important to have goals in anything you are doing. This keeps you on track and accountable for your actions. If you love reading, maybe make it a goal to spend 30 minutes every other day reading a book. Write down that goal and check in with yourself every week to assess your progress and make adjustments.
5. Don’t strive for perfection, strive for happiness. None of us are perfect. (Although sometimes I wish I was.) The point is not to reach all your goals every week or to have a “perfect balance of regular identity and mom identity. Instead, the point is to be happy. The point is to make yourself a priority in your life because it’s your life.

Remember, your kids are a huge part of your life and your identity, but they’re not the only part. How do you guys focus on keeping your identity after having kids?

Outfit Details: